Hello my lovely ladies (and gents, for the few that may read this)! I am super excited to begin this journey with you all. If you followed my previous blog (which I WILL get back to when the time is right) you know that it focused on me learning to deal, live with, and manage my chronic illness. In THIS blog you will find nothing of the sort (mostly). Here, I will share a myriad of topics/ideas more closely related to my background, my identity, my "Latinaness" and other fun stuff. So, be prepared...now, where to begin?
Well, first off, I was challenged today to explain what the phrase "to thine own self be true"(Shakespeare) means to me. Ooof, what a loaded question! But actually a really great place to start. For me, it's about being who you want to be. Not what Mami or Papi or your papi chulo of the week want or expect you to be. And trust me, it ain't an easy thing to accomplish. I spent the better part of my teens and twenties becoming who and what I thought my parents wanted me to be. A successful, independent, money earning woman too afraid to pursue her real dreams for fear of failure and disappointment (cause after all, no one can earn a living writing poetry and acting in plays). But that version of "me" was all wrong. It led to sadness, frustration and even resentment. I resented my parents for pushing me so hard to become something and someone that just wasn't me. Sure, I went to college and enjoyed, but I went so that I could have a back up plan. In case the real plan went awry. (You'll learn more about my OCD planning below) But deep down, I just wanted to make art, live meagerly, smile often and figure everything else out later. But Latina-Catholic mother guilt is a hard thing to surpass. You HAVE to do and be a certain way so that someone, some day will want to marry you. Eventually, however, life happened and slapped us all in the face (I got really sick) and I did and have overcome it, realizing (thankfully early enough-before 30) that all my parents really wanted was for me to be happy.
Before you can be true to yourself, fiel a ti misma, you have to figure out who YOU are. You have to know who and what is going to make you genuinely happy. Who and what is going to make you a stronger person. Who and what help make you the best version of yourself you can be. Not the best version of what someone else or society wants you to be. And that, my friends, takes work. And quite honestly, it's something that is constantly evolving. Yes, there are parts of you, at your core, that will never change, but hey life and shit happens and those things can rock us. And that's ok. But remembering and staying truthful to the you that keeps you strong and happy, that's what matters. Like my yoga teacher says: True peace isn't the absence of chaos, it is the ability to be in the midst of chaos and be able to find stillness. Which, in my opinion is only made easy if you are true to yourself. The quote below is my favorite because at the end of the day, if you have stayed true to yourself, where you "end up" is exactly where you are supposed to be in that moment.
So...who am I you may ask? What are the parts of me that help me be the best version of myself? I'll break it down for you with an acrostic poem:
I AM A:
L-Loquacious Latina (who)
F- Focuses on being Fastidious
Are all of these words positive? No. But that's what makes me, ME.
Let's start with sensitive. I am a highly emotional and sensitive person. I take things to heart and lately, I will literally cry at the drop of a hat (if that hat is on an undocumented immigrant being taken away by ICE for example). Yep, as sensitive as they come. I wear my heart on my sleeve and if you are a part of my life I will lay down my life for you. BUT, that also means, that if you break my heart one too many times...I'm done. It takes a lot for me to cut someone out, but when they're out.."pa fuera!"
Aahh, erratic. The word my hubby (Lupe) decided was spot on. And I truly can't disagree. As a creative old soul I jump from one idea and desire to the next. One minute I want to publish a book, the next I want to drop everything, dye my hair blue and move to Australia. Luckily, I have Lupe to keep me grounded. Bu that doesn't stop me from dreaming! I will say, however that being erratic HAS helped me have the courage to just go for it at times. It's helped me achieve dreams I never thought possible because I just went out on a limb and tried it, so all in all I think it's a good trait to have.
Now to the L words...haha..a "loquacious(talkative) Latina"...redundant, I know! But hey, I have met a few Latinas who are NOT talkative (my sister is a prime example). But let's face it, I got A LOT to say! Ideas spinning around in my head at the speed of sound! I will talk about almost anything. (Except the weather- I HATE small talk) I love to gossip, not even gonna lie about that one. My former female students know very well that if there was a break-up, hook up, or bit of spicy teacher gossip on campus they could come running to me to share it. (I miss those days) I can also talk my way out of a bad situation by using fancy words like loquacious, and I can also talk myself into bad decisions. It's a double edged sword, but I will own it. And I'll admit, I do love hearing the sound of my own voice, especially if I'm sounding intelligent.
Finally, focused on being fastidious. Despite my erratic tendencies I am a HUGE Type A personality. If I am planning a party, event, workshop, performance, vacation etc. I will focus on EVERY detail. I will write To Do lists until I'm blue in the face. I plan everything! I hate for things to go wrong. I actually enjoy planned happiness more than spontaneous joy (I know, I should have my head checked). But that's just ME! So, you can imagine, what might happen when things don't go as planned or when details are forgotten...yeah, hit up Lupe for a detailed account of THAT version of Jasminne. (Not pretty)
So, in a pistacho nutshell, esa soy yo. Well, some parts of me. I'm not that easy of a shell to crack. But come back daily for another taste and to get at my core...or buy my book Island of Dreams to learn just a little more! Catch you on the flip side! And remember: to thine own self, be true (seas fiel).