What do I want? Everything. Yes, I am one of those naive individuals that believes she can have it all. A house. A husband. A whole lot of success. A huge family. Even if it takes me an entire life to get there, I believe that I will. But what is at the core of those wants? What lies underneath all the stuff? Me.
When asked to describe what was at my core. To describe what I really wanted to feel, and to be all day, every day regardless of the "stuff" that I had, the first thought that came to my mind was: I want to be pain free. But as I thought about it some more, I realized that that was just more stuff too. It was not something I could feel at my core. It was a physical ailment that could only affect me as much as I let it.
Within 30 seconds of letting go of that thought, my "core" feelings arose to the surface almost instantly and there was no doubt in my mind what they were (my meditation mantra for the last 2 years):
"I want to be happy, healthy and whole, in mind, body and soul."
I want my mind to feel and perceive happiness at a real level, not in a superficial, ephemeral way but in a lasting way. I want my mind to be healthy by practicing emotionally healthy responses to situations. By meditating daily and keeping my brain strong with challenges. I want my mind to feel whole by giving it what it needs on every level.
I want my body to be as healthy as it can be by nourishing it with good food, healthy amounts of exercise and plenty of rest. I want my body to feel happiness by enjoying the soft touch of my husband. By dancing and laughing and smiling often. And I want my body to feel whole and not broken by doing all that I need to do to prevent flare ups and relapses. By taking my meds and going to the doctors. By practicing yoga and being thankful for the parts of me that do work right and not dwelling on those that don't.
I want my soul to feel happy by finding ways to be at peace with myself and others. I want my soul to be healthy by finding moments of stillness and spirituality. I want my soul to feel whole by listening to it, feeding it with wisdom and letting my light shine as often as possible.
The only other core feeling that I would add to my mantra is that I want to feel loved. I want my words and my God-given talent to reach others and inspire them. I want my family and friends to be proud of me and smile when they see me. I want to know that what I do matters to someone and has made a difference.
What's at your core? Underneath all that "stuff" you think you need and want, what drives your soul?